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- š§ Bitcoin is entering the āBanana Zoneā
š§ Bitcoin is entering the āBanana Zoneā
and fake Satoshi gets criminally charged
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Good morning patient - Arsen here. ā
Welcome back to Bitcoin Therapy ā the newsletter that folds your Bitcoin pizza into the perfect slice (extra cheese, no regrets) š
First, happy and relaxing Sunday to 8,631 patients reading today. š
[enter intro here]. F*ck the intro, youāre here for the juicy stories, arent you?
Alright, hereās what I got for you this week:
Bitcoin is entering the āBanana zoneā
America's next leaders: Bitcoin Bros? šŗšø
Fake Satoshi gets criminally charged š
Estimated read time: 2 minutes and 42 seconds
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Alright, letās Bitcoinā¦
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/46a03fea-57db-4ff1-97e0-4caed101ba2b/Untitled_design.png?t=1713354948)
BITCOIN IS ABOUT TO GO BANANAS š
I hope you're ready for some potassium because Bitcoin is about to enter the 'banana zone.'
Let me explain. Bitcoin price has 3 phases:
Bear phase - Bitcoin price goes mostly down š
Boring sideways phase - Bitcoin has ups and downs but mostly sideways š“
Banana phase - Bitcoin price goes wild ššš
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/3158411b-4c52-4558-a6a7-05e774d99977/GShJNdMW8AAJqGL.jpg?t=1721122700)
Okay, it's a bit of an oversimplification, but it's the easiest way to explain Bitcoin's long-term price behavior to friends and family without their eyes glazing over.
Weāre currently in the āboring sidewaysā phase (the part where Bitcoin is basically like watching paint dry).
But if historyās our guide, 2025 will be a total banana bonanzaššš.
The lesson here? Patience, patience, and a bit more patience.
So, sit back, have a banana smoothie, and enjoy the banana god candle.
And if your friends and family STILL donāt get Bitcoin cycles, just explain it to them like this:
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/c996c1ac-c6d6-45cd-b768-0abcc43f6e2a/GSp9I0lW0AA7Upo.jpeg?t=1721203465)
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/46a03fea-57db-4ff1-97e0-4caed101ba2b/Untitled_design.png?t=1713354948)
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![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/46a03fea-57db-4ff1-97e0-4caed101ba2b/Untitled_design.png?t=1713354948)
AMERICAāS FUTURE PRESIDENT IS A BITCOINER? šŗšø
What do Bitcoin price and Trumpās election odds have in common?
They are both up 9% after Trump survives the assassination attempt.
Coincidence? I think not.
After all, Trump has repeatedly promised to make Bitcoin great again.
Here are Trumpās yuge Bitcoin promises:
Considers Bitcoin as a Federal Reserve asset
Will protect Americansā right to self-custody
Will fight against the CBDCs
Announces he will STILL attend Bitcoin conference after being shot and almost killed (commitment level 9000)
And last but not least, Trumpās official Vice President is a Bitcoiner!
Meet JD Vance. Vance is an Ohio senator and likely the future VP of the USA.
And because Vance is a politician, he has to disclose his assets.
Do you see what I see?
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/8987bf15-6e4d-40fe-9d5b-d04f10880a4e/GSjVfitWQAA5FYY.png?t=1721123090)
Yup, thatās Vance owning $100K-$250K Bitcoin in 2021.
Let me lay it out for you: we could have a pro-bitcoin President AND a Vice President soon!
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/9cf18dfe-2a62-48a9-a16d-2364630553b0/oneofus.gif?t=1721123131)
I only have one criticism for Vance: stop storing your Bitcoin on Coinbase
Seriously, man, get a Passport instead. You get $10 off using the code āBTCTHERAPYā at checkout.
Cool? Cool.
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/befcc06d-9fc9-48da-b554-e0bea0c3294f/GSegjaeWUAE1BAS.jpeg?t=1721203953)
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/46a03fea-57db-4ff1-97e0-4caed101ba2b/Untitled_design.png?t=1713354948)
FAKE SATOSHI GETS CRIMINALLY CHARGED āļø
Iād never thought Iād say this, but Iām loving Craig Wrightās website right now.
Go to craigwright.net. Go ahead, Iāll wait.
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/3bd6a90f-36f2-4309-9fc9-e77b7ceedfb3/GSn1ya1XoAIMQc1.jpeg?t=1721203326)
The court has ordered the website to have this for 6 months.
That, my friends, is the digital equivalent of wearing a āKick Meā sign for six months.
He was also required to post the same message on his X account (please go reshare it).
And in case you missed this soap opera, hereās the quick and dirty version:
Craig Wright went to court after some bitcoiners claimed he was not Satoshi.
Craig lost the case, and the judge ordered him to admit he is not Satoshi publicly.
Now, I donāt know about you, but Iām 100% framing this and putting it on my wall (right next to my "Live, Laugh, Love" sign).
But wait, it gets juicier!
Craig Wright is now being recommended for criminal prosecution by UK courts.
Sadly, I dont think this will stop Craig - a pathological liar and a professional conman.
I wouldn't be surprised to see this headline trending in a few months:
BREAKING: Unknown German scientist KrĆ«g S WrĆ¼genhauten comes forward as the real Satoshi Nakamoto
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/1ec49641-fdd4-45dd-b17e-caefe8f03f20/GIuRYt8aIAAqchi.jpeg?t=1721279310)
Anyways.
Craig Wright is a fraud, and now, it is also legal.
Good riddance, you parasite.
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/46a03fea-57db-4ff1-97e0-4caed101ba2b/Untitled_design.png?t=1713354948)
THINGS I FOUND INTERESTING š
Mark Cuban and Jamie Dimon turned pro-Bitcoin
Larry Fink admits he was wrong about Bitcoin
Fox Business: Bitcoin is the best-performing asset (tell me something I donāt already know)
THIS WEEK IN A MEME š
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/91f6f521-c1da-43e7-83cc-fa7968cc9947/GSknkgzW8AA0iPe.jpeg?t=1721203403)
FROM THE ARCHIVE š
F*cking legend.
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/97e71f92-1a83-4e58-8c65-f4d696983d8e/F1GJBYoaIAAKpG2.png?t=1721026334)
PATIENT REVIEW š§
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/b82056b3-a65b-44f6-aca9-25888c229b88/_I_just_wanted_to_appreciate_the_hard_work_you_guys_have_put_in_to_this_project_keep_doing_stay_humble_stack_sats___7_.png?t=1721473213)
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See you next Sunday,
Arsen
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